Yep… A year has passed. Lots of things can change in a year and so I am going to take this opportunity to say hello to old friends, welcome anyone new to read my blog, and try to get all of you to laugh and maybe just shake your heads at me when this post is done. However, this first Blog is going to be overall serious.. so hopefully I can interject some humor in it.
So just a quick reminder, since doing these in the past has caused some animosity amongst people I know, I won’t be using names of anyone… well real names, and I won’t talk about work since they made a special policy just for me about blogging. Other then that, I’m pretty forward, very blunt, and at times vulgar. So if you have virgin ears and eyes, you might want to direct yourself over to this blog :
For the rest of you.. let’s begin.
It has been a crazy year, 2013 I mean. When you’re going through it at the time, you don’t realize just how busy and crazy things really are. 2013 however, in my opinion, was a very good year for yours truly. Let me explain.
I had a horrible 2012 and was really messed up for a while due to the loss of a girlfriend. I shouldn’t say loss actually, we broke up, it ended. I was a wreck and I handled shit poorly, and during that time even lost some dear friends because of my actions. However, with some help and counseling, I got my shit together and made some promises to myself that I stuck with.
It’s a good feeling in a way to know you’re different inside. To look back and wonder what the fuck was I thinking back then. Problem is though… how do you convince anyone that you really did change? That’s the hard part.
With that being said, I had a few relationships this year. I honestly don’t really need to go into them because they were just not the right people for me, but this was one of the things I really changed about myself… I could finally see it. Furthermore, I didn’t have to put up with it. Granted, I should have maybe seen one of them before ever getting into it, but shit… no one’s perfect.
This was huge for me. For years when I was married back in the day I was a doormat. I had a delusional sense of responsibility to staying with that person and I ended up losing everything because of it. My next long relationship I learned a hell of a lot. I learned how to finally treat a woman and what it really was like to feel love and be loved. However, I was still that guy deep down that “needed a girlfriend”. I was weak in this aspect of my life and I only wish I would have listened to friends and family sooner.
Therapy and counseling really does help. Shit, at first I hated it. Who the fuck was this broad to tell me what to think? She doesn’t know me from Adam. She’s old, funky looking, and there was no way she could help me.
I was wrong..
Months of this went by. Sometimes twice a week, sometimes once a week. At first they put me on all the drugs as well, but truth be told, they made me feel weird and not in control. I want to be responsible for my own mental health and don’t like the idea of a pill telling me how to feel. In the short term, it helped me get through the rough times, but I felt way better when I was off them. I was finally able to be ok with isolation. Shit, after the break up, I didn’t want to be by myself and wore out some really good friends to the point where they needed a break. With the therapy though, things were looking up and I was ok with being by myself.
This is kind of why the relationships I had in 2013 were a big deal to me. I didn’t have to be that punching bag, the doormat, and once I saw that these women were not right for me, I asked THEM to leave. The old me would have never done that… I would have taken it or figured a way to stay or just bow down to demands. It felt good. Really… it felt good.
In time some of the friends came back, some didn’t. Gave me an opportunity to finally prove to them and myself I could be the friend they could rely and count on. Was once again nice to be able to talk to people I really cared about and see them laugh and smile and give this kid another chance. My family is my life and I can’t thank them enough for being there for me, and my friends could ask anything of me and I would do it in a heartbeat.
So it’s a good feeling to do that and at the same time, being single wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I really don’t have to answer to anyone, I do whatever I want, and while it would be nice to cuddle up next to someone once and a while, I manage to do ok.
Now it’s 2014 and I have a feeling it’s going to be a great year. I met all my goals for 2013, and this years goals I should meet again. One goal in particular, I will be writing about which I’m sure will raise some eyebrows.
So for the 2014 year… here are some of the topics I plan on writing about (in no particular order)
- Stupid Fucking People
- Dumb Ass Antics
- Lots More
I know this hasn’t been the funniest of blog posts, but it’s the way I wanted to start out. Next one will be more light-hearted I promise. Till next time.